Ang Mo Kio without the Kio

No, this is not a story about cars. Or oral sex in cars. It is a story of something far more vile; far more sinister. So, I was talking about sucking one’s own penis with a girl today…as you do. Before we begin, remember you can comment by simply clicking this post.

I recall the wise words of a comedian: “as good as the feeling of a mouth around your dick is, it would be negated by the taste of a dick in your mouth”.

So, let me ask an open question, you can answer below. If you’re male, have you ever tried to go down on yourself? (?) If I don’t have a 100% (HIV) positive response rate, then I’ll assume people lied.

One of the saddest moments a boy has growing up is realising he will never be able to give themselves head. It’s a bit like a dog chasing it’s own tail - you keep trying and trying, expecting to catch your tail, but alas, the elusive tail doesn’t want to be caught…in your mouth.

Apparently Marilyn Manson had some ribs removed so that he could suck himself off. So did a few other celebrities. Now, given that these guys are rich and powerful, they could probably get many groupies and would get sex as they please. Yet, still, they have this impulsion to insert a hot rod into their own mouth (please see picture of what a hot Rod looks like below).

Given that our fathers and forefathers have at some stage attempted the fine art of autofellatio, one would think that evolution would have kicked in and given us this uncanny ability to get ourselves off orally.

Hell, perhaps being able to suck our own penis would reduce the sex crime rate: guys wouldn’t walk around all agitated, trying very hard to pick up. It could also solve problems with overpopulation. Only problem would be the age-old question: would you spit or swallow?

Thank you for your time - I hope I have successfully grossed you out and made you reconsider being an asexual being forever. This has been a community service announcement brought to you by the Ang Moh. (?)