Ang Mo Kio without the Kio

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“White people?!”, I hear you exclaim. I have heard about these mystical creatures in picture books. Also, on the news when I heard some white Michael Jackson guy died. Could white people be real? Yes. They are as real as H1N1. But worse.

On Wednesday nights, it snows in Singapore. You see, there is an influx of white people at Lau Pa Sat. They eat satay. Consume tiger beer. Discuss the difficulties of being so ang moh it hurts. Sometimes they touch each other. But only sometimes. Yes, life is hard for white people. Penis is also hard. Anyway, legend is that this Wednesday satay tradition dates back to Colonial times, when Singapore was just being formed: a year ago. Some charming, charismatic, red headed (literally ang moh) mynx from England decided that she had no friends and wanted some (at that point they didn’t have eBay). So she used the power of a mythical dragon named internet to arrange for a place for people to meet each other and connect on a shared experience…their love for satay. and tigers. and beer.

After the beer is drained, it’s off to insomnia they go. Another place filled with white people. Also, many old white people picking up prostitutes/SPGs.

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I’m Stas.

/end.

\reboot.

I’m 22 and was born in Russia. I have lived in Sydney, Australia most of my life. People would describe me as happy, funny, geeky, a party animal, rational, gay (even though I’m not really - must be the skinny jeans, my gay posture and the 50 other gay things about me including my tendency to suck cock [jokes]), intelligent, slutty. If someone was to sum me up in one word, they would use the word ‘perfect’. Or arrogant. Probably, arrogant.

I’m very sarcastic and also love sexist, racist and homophobic humour. I think laughter is truly the best medicine and don’t see the need to live life through rose-coloured glasses of political correctness. Ironically, I abhor actual sexist, racist and homophobic attitudes. I advocate complete and utterly unequivocal equity and equality for all. Unless they’re black, female, jewish lesbians. joking.

You will find that I use terrible English grammar when I write blogs - this is merely stylistic. I’m actually a grammar Nazi. Phwoar.

I love my life. If I had to imagine the perfect lifestyle for myself five years ago; for today, it would match up almost exactly. I work as an Assistant Brand Manager (marketing) for an incredible company, on a fun brand. I get to work in one of my favourite countries in the world. I have a lot of awesome, supportive and diverse friends. I have my dream apartment coupled with the ultimate bachelor bed. Giggiddy.

Happy New Year’s! It’s the end of the financial year.

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All blog entries are my personal opinion and are not representative of the company I work for, the New World Order, the imperialist alliance of Sub-Saharan-Asian-America or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Arriving to Singapore in January 2008 to complete my internship, I glanced upon the onboard ‘flight path’ map. I realised that we were headed to an uncharted destination; Singapore wasn’t large enough to fit on the map even when zoomed in. Two months after, I left Singapore hoping to come back.

A year and a bit later, I came. After climaxing, I came back to Singapore.

The end. Now I don’t have to blog anymore.

Except not really. I came to Singapore for the food, the comfortable living, the awesome job and how much fun (and safe) the city is. I could fall asleep drunk holding a $100 bill out in my hand and no one would take it. Chances are they wouldn’t take it anywhere else, either, as I look like an AIDS & scurvy-infested arse pirate. However, it is safe.

I genuinely love Singapore. It’s an incredible country to live in. It has faults, like any other country, but on the balance of averages it’s amazing.

So that’s my story about why Singapore la. Next, I shall paint a detailed portrait of myself. With words. Because one-thousand words tell a picture. What do they tell a picture; why are they even talking to this picture. You will have to find out.

A hidden preview into my blog’s future entries:

• Ladyboys (pictured below)
• Esquires
• Breakdance fighting
• Gay little elves
• Nude, candid full-frontal photographs of myself

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